In search of the elusive lesbian

So we’re heading to the gayest place in the country: Newtown. Two of us are there for one night only. If you have suggestions for what’s on this Saturday night let us know.

Kage and JJ will attempt to find lesbians in the circle pits at Karnivool.

And Charlie will make us international and add her photo search of all things lesbian in Europe once she gets over her jetlag.

See all you good-looking ladies in the weekend.

Indie.

Let's go find the Novocastrians...

So we intended to review the Gateway Hotel, the Cambridge Hotel, the Suspension Cafe, Lass O'Gowrie, Hamilton Station, the View Factory, Goldbergs and the Wicko. There were some modifications to the schedule as you'll see. The View Factory looked worthy of our attention for dinner or something but we never made it back there. Cambridge Hotel had good reports from the locals. We never got any further than the Gateway on Saturday night. The Wicko, Lass O'Gowrie, Hamilton Station and Gateway looked like standard provincial hotel pubs but we probably shouldn't judge from the outside as the Gateway turned out to have a hidden nightclub out the back.

Let the great review begin...

Yup, that's it

The reviewers outside Goldbergs

Suspension has coffee. And that's about it. No chains. No whips. No beer.

Gateway is gay for real. Unfortunately my camera did its special black and white thing as we tried to capture the rainbow flag

Ultimately, we found lesbians in Newcastle. Best talent @ Gateway and Goldbergs. Best shag toilets @ Sesame's. Best staff @ Sesame's. Best music @ Suspension. Best overall experience @ Goldbergs. Oh yeah, and remember to head to the beach. There's a nice cafe with yummy banana bread where you can sit and watch the surfers. Such a novelty for a Canberra gal.

Indie.

Newcastle...where it all began

So the bitches and I decided to go a for a long weekend to visit our good friend and drummer of ILYGSMBWSN, Kage. We ascended on Newcastle from Canberra and Sydney with no real plans but realised we needed to find the lesbians. Where are all the lesbians in Newcastle?? Nobody knew much except The Gateway Hotel, the local gay bar (GROAN...). We can do better than that! Fear not, we did review that as well.

I googled on arrival to solve this problem: "lesbians newcastle". The answer was found at samesame.com.au where someone had already asked that very question and there was a list. Win! http://www.samesame.com.au/forum/showthread.php?t=13226

Thanks to nickdisco we had this to start with:

The gateway hotel in Islington, is the only gay bar.

In terms of finding lesbians outside of there, it depends what kind of lesbian you want to see.

Arty lesbians are at the Lass O'Gowrie

Rock Chick lesbians are at the Cambridge Hotel

Bogan/Bikey Lesbians are at the Hamilton Station

Muso Lesbian are at the View Factory.


They are really the only lesbian areas I can think of, in terms of bars.


My other suggestions would be Art Hive, Goldbergs, Suspension Cafe.

All my lesbifriends are Art Grads, so I am not sure where the regular lesbians are.

Someone else said there were no lesbians in Newcastle. Pfft. We're lesbians and in my book where there are lesbians, there are more lesbians. So if we're there, they will come. If we rate it, she will come!

Indie.

The Criteria

This is how it's going to work. Forgive us if we get sidetracked...

• Name of establishment
• Date reviewed
• Time reviewed
• Drunkenness: Based on the number of rounds consumed by the group at time of review. We realise this will have an impact on how awesome we think the place is.
• Density: Number of lesbians observed by reviewers. Rating scale: Low - Medium - High - Panic Attack [Note: I tend to get overwhelmed in situations where there are large quantities of lesbians. It's just too much for my little brain that is quite used to being a minority all of the time, hence the 'Panic Attack' on scale. Indie.]
• Quality: Of lesbians on the premises. Rating scale: Low - Medium - High - Cuntstruck [Note: Sorry if the C-bomb offends you but this is one of my favourite words. Introduced to me by JJ, in this case it is referred to that moment when you see a hot chick that makes you stutter, drop your drink, giggle stupidly about nothing and generally nonverbal when you attempt to converse, and worst of all - you probably have lettuce in your teeth as you try to approach her. Being cuntstruck affects even the coolest and hippest of lesbians. YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE!]
• Types: I'm sure this will cause great debate. Everyone loves a label. Will discuss further as applied.
• Engagement: Level of interaction between lesbians of premises and reviewers. Rating scale: Low - Medium - High - Toilet shag
• Food/Drink: Quality rating. Rating scale: Low - Medium - High
• Service: Quality of interaction AND Quality of eyecandy. Rating scale: Low - Medium - High
• Toilet shag worthy? Hygiene rating: Yes/No
• Score: Number of reviewers who literally score on premises or as a result of attending premises.
• Notes and photos will also be provided

Possible panic attack density level (http://www.boston.com/thingstodo/gotoit/2008/09/_lets_face_it_b.html)

Indie.

Welcome to If We Rate It, She Will COME!

This is going to be the greatest lesbian review of Australia. I don't feel I'm overstating. We are probably the only ones committed to the cause. We'll review cafes, restaurants, clubs, bars, street corners, whatever takes our fancy really. Our usual reviewers will be Kage, Scoot, Speck, Charlie, JJ and Indie. Some may not always be present and additions may also appear. We appreciate a variety of women and we'll attempt to cover the full scope of lesbifriends.

Areas of expertise:

Kage: food - all kinds, all of the time

Scoot: coaxing staff to attend to her special requests

Speck: toilet hygiene standards

Charlie: advanced gay girl spy - the one with the glasses

JJ: toilet shagability tester

Indie: alcohol - all kinds, all of the time

Get your gaydar on high...

And please leave comments, criticisms, suggestions, phone numbers, photos...

and tell your lady friends.

Here we go...

Indie.