So the "gayest" place in Sydney, and perhaps Australia was a massive disappointment... but we're willing to give it another chance. We're REQUIRED to give it another chance... it's just not possible that it could be that bad... is it?
We lobbed into Newtown at around 5 o'clock and found a great (free) parking spot just off the main drag in the 'burbs (ooo ooo ooo and we saw lezzo couples walking down the street holding hands! we LOVE that!!), then wandered up to our hotel for the evening. Much to my horror, Indie had booked us in to a Youth Hostel - albeit the gayest website page owning Hostel ever... check it out "The Abbey on King". Despite the nightmares running around and around in my head clearly defining what we were about to be subjected to, it wasn't all that bad. Our room was small and smelled a bit strange - but so does most of Sydney as it turns out. The bathroom on our floor was gross and had no hot water and no toilet paper and the light kept turning off before you'd had time to dack yourself let alone do anything else... but of course, I was well prepared with all the necessities. The bathroom upstairs was not too shabby. I've seen worse toilets in bars and cafes... in fact I saw a few that were worse on our trek around Newie. The showers were pretty good. STACKS of hot water and the doors and walls went right to the floor (I like that - less chance of uptwatting on your uncovered and unsuspecting twat). The other residents - well, one was pleasant and helpful - the other 2 we saw (and heard) were... probably YHAbians.
Anyway, blah blah, enough about the accommodation that was not fabulously populated with all sorts of fun lesbians.
Round 1 was the Albion Place Hotel (technically, this was closer to round 5, but seeing as it was the heavy weights Speck and Indie, it's pretty much the same as Round 1 for everyone else ;-) )
Saturday 26th of June around 7pm
Low level of drunkeness
No lesbians
No engagement
The staff were rude
The beer was just beer
BUT the toilet (upstairs) was just LOVELY (I did consider coming back there to sleep at one point)
Around 8 o'clock we went across to the Metro to see Operator Please. We weren't going to review this because it was a concert - but it turned out we had to because that's the place we had the most fun. Which started when we lined up and a totally hot lezzo with ye olde style biker/jail bird tattoos of "LOVE"/"HATE" tattooed across her knuckles came to give us our "old enough to drink" bracelets.
So.. at the Metro, the level of drunkeness became moderate, there was a low to medium density of lesbians (way more gay boys and I'll let Indie fill in that story if she feels like it), plenty of engagement all over the place with all types of people, the staff were awesome and the drinks were reeeeeeeeaaal easy to get. The toilets were definitely not shagworthy.
It didn't take Indie long to spy a couple of hotties. I was very excited when she pointed them out and was clearly about to share with me the plan of attack... this became significantly less exciting when her plan of attack was for ME to engage them in conversation (that is NOT my super power!). Luckily we didn't have to engage them, they engaged us. That's way more fun :-). Turns out they were straight, with all the little hetero quirks we've come to expect. For example - the romantic quirk - Bec to Indie "Where are you from Indie?", Indie says "New Zealand", Bec nods knowingly "oh, so you moved here for Erika did you?". There's a severe gap in the conversation at this point while I struggle mightily not to laugh uproariously and while Indie runs the question through her head again and again and again, trying to understand it. At one point I see panic on her face as she realises she's forgotten how to decipher the Australian language, but then I see it dawn on her that, no, she does in fact understand all those words on their own, it's just the concept that that particular grouping is attempting to convey that she doesn't understand.
Two gay girls in a club together ≠ couple.
First stop - Zanzibar. It was fucking packed. That was the first surprise and not only to us. The staff and a few of the patrons I engaged were also surprised. They put it down to the Bank being closed (according to the sign up at the Bank there had been a "big fire" and there was nothing left but a "big mess"). So...
It was approximately midnight
Drunkeness was still moderate and required escalation (ie shots)
Density was moderate
Quality was good
Types were varied
Engagement with the lesbians was low. Indie was refusing to play. I think I managed to throw in a "hypothetically speaking..."
The drinks were good
The toilet was definitely not shagworthy
And I saved the rating for the staff for last because they get an "OMG to cuntstruck". The two women that were behind the bar that night were stunningly beautiful.
Basically if we'd been two hetero girls on a night out we'd have been set. Many, many straight men and all of them friendly. I've invented a new way of getting around them. I don't think explaining it would do it justice however, would it Indie? I think it's something you'd have to see.
So some lezzo's pointed us in the direction of the Sly Fox. They were very encouraging. Said that the Sly was the place the "ladeez" would be at. Looking back, I think the chicks that told us that were just threatened by Indie and wanted her out of Zanzibar...
The Sly Fox
Time - around 2/2.30am
Drunkeness - slightly more than moderate
Density - zero
Quality - below zero (and this applies to EVERYTHING, not just the patronage)
Types - not ours
Engagement - avoided it
Service - Kudos to them that they can stand working there
Toilets - Are you fucking kidding? There was NO WAY I was either leaving Indie alone or putting any part of myself anywhere near a toilet in this place
First off - I'd say it's only polite to forewarn potential patrons that you're showing PORN on your big screen - dirty dirty hetero PORN. I don't want to watch that... ever! And I certainly don't want to watch it in some dirty-arse pub surrounded by drunk blokes whilst being assaulted by whatever that noise was coming out of the speaker system. We'd heard this was one of the top spots in Newtown. Epic fail from this reviewer I'm afraid.
Speck
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